Chennai Born Confused Softie

Chennai Ambi's Musings...

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

gangulisms-- ganguly jokes

NEW ICC rules

The following are some of the ideas for Ganguly to regain form and stay in the middle for a longer duration.(subject to approval by I.C.C)

IDEA NO:1: Plastic Ball or Tennis Ball or Rubber Ball to be used while bowling to Ganguly.

IDEA NO:2: Only one stick should be kept while Ganguly is Batting instead of Three so that his chances of getting out bowled will be minimised

IDEA NO:3: Dada can wrap up his legs with 4 or 5 bats instead of pads, so that there is no chance of getting out lbw.

IDEA NO:4: The size of the ball can be reduced to the size of a lemon or size of his bat can be increased to twice its size. Or the size of the ground can be decreased to that of a Basketball Ground.

IDEA NO:5: Fast Bowlers are prohibited to bowl the following deliveries to Dada.
They should not bowl Inswinger,Outswinger,Off cutter, Leg cutter,Bouncer,Short Pitched Ball, Reverse swinging ball, yorker,reverse swinging yorker,slower ball and most importantly in and around the off stump corridor.

IDEA NO:6: Slow Bowlers are prohibited from bowling off spin,leg spin,doosra,googly,china man,flipper,faster ball.

IDEA NO:7: Speed restrictions for bowlers:
FAST BOWLERS: MAX 120 KMPH
SLOW BOWLERS: MAX 50 KMPH.

IDEA NO:8 Fast bowlers in their runup should run like Mohinder Amarnath and slow bowlers should not run at all.

IDEA NO:9 Ganguly can change his position as medium fast bowler instead of Batsman and bat at no:11, so that by the time he enters the ground 48 or 49 overs would have been bowled.

IDEA NO:10: I.C.C Should warn Pakistan Bowlers that hereafter any bowler taking Dada's wicket, the number will not be added to the bowler's tally of wickets.

IDEA NO:11: Bowlers should not appeal for dismissal of Ganguly. Even a small appeal (not necessarily loud appealing or excessive appealing) will lead to match refereee Chris Broad suspending the bowler for the rest of the series.

IDEA NO:12: Fast Bowlers should only throw the ball and slow bowlers should use underarm throw.

IDEA NO:13: Even after this if Ganguly gets out, the bowler will be called a chucker and new rule for bowling action, i.e.( 2 degrees bending of bowling arm allowed for fast bowlers and 3 degrees bending of bowling arm for slow bowlers) will be taken into account and the bowler will be immediately sent to Australia by next flight for corrective action.

IDEA NO:14: No fielder should catch the ball hit by Dada. If they catch, then any of the opening batsman who got out earlier, like virender shewag will be allowed to bat for second time.

IDEA NO: 15: For every minute Dada stays in the middle, one run will be added to his score and if the ball hits the bat and travels to the following places, runs will be credited to Dada as follows.
Slip,Gully,Forward Short Leg: 1 run
Mid on,mid off, cover,point: 2 runs
long on,long off,fine leg,third man: 3 runs.

and finally if Dada's wicket is taken before he reaches 50 runs all pakis will be fined 50% of their match


How to make Maggi
Behind maggi 2 minutes noodles pack:

Step 1: boil one cup of water
Step 2: as soon as ganguly goes for batting, put the noodles in the boiled
water and add the tastemaker.
Step 3: stir till ganguly is on the field.
Step 4: As soon as ganguly is back in pavilion, your noodles r ready to eat.

Phone call for Ganguly!
India Pakistan Match has started. As to be expected, it's a charged up atmosphere and the heat is really on!
India is put in to bat. As to be expected, three wickets down, for a measly score.
There is phone call for Ganguly, at the Dressing Room. The Team Manager picks up the call.
"Hello ! I am Ganguly's friend speaking . Can I talk to him now ?"
The Team Manager replies : "Sorry ! He has just gone in to bat . "
The caller replies "No problem . I'll hold the line ! "

I can only imagine sourav ganguly in of vadivelu role in the movie winner:

Ganguly(vadivel): Idhu varaikkum en team a yarum thokkadichadilla ..
Inzamam(Riyaz khan): Hey pona match nanga dhaana da thokkadichom ..
Ganguly: Adhu pona match .. . . .
"Venaam ... short ball podadha ... aludhuduven"


MasterMind Q&A on Sourav

1)What is common to a 100 mtrs race and Ganguly's innings?
Ans: They both last for the same time

2) How can u say "Get Out" to Ganguly politely?
Ans: Ask him to go to bat

3)If Rahul is "The Wall", what is Ganguly?
Ans: The hole in the wall

4)How can Ganguly save time everyday?
Ans: By not bothering to pad up

5)Who is the only cricketer who does not bat, bowl or field and yet plays international cricket?
Ans: no comments.......

6)Why has Saurav Ganguly been recommended as the fielding coach for India after retirement?
Ans: No one else can provide catches as easily as Ganguly

7)What is ganguly’ favorite film
Ans: gone in 60 seconds

8)Which was the hottest place in B'lore Chinnaswami Stadium for the past few days? A: The seat Ganguly was sitting in while in the Pavillion.


Breaking news, Indian captain Ganguly has been sacked immediately after the worst display at Banagalore. BCCI has decided to go with new captain. See our new captain... (scroll down)

- Best Seller by Ganguly : Back to the Pavillion in 2 minutes

- Shoiab Akhtar admits Ganguly is faster and quicker than him. "I haven't seen any one get out so fast. Man, I envy his speed. I am quick but he is quickest.", he says. "I think I should now cut my run up short when I bowl to him. Or else, he might be gone when I am half way thru my run up."

- Narain Karthikeyan to get some tips on Speed from Ganguly. His sponsorers have asked him to talk to the Prince of Kolkotta. They are also planning to endorse Ganguly.

- Dinesh Karthick confesses that his skills in getting ready and padded have improved a lot. As soon as Ganguly goes to bat, I know there is very little time in getting ready. "I must have broken world records a few times in this series" , says the Indian dimunitive wicketkeeper.

- Railways keen on Ganguly: Atleast we'll be having someone who comes (back) before time. This will help them improve the image with the Indian public.

- Ganguly to donate all his bats to charity. "I don't require a bat nowadays", said the Indian southpaw.

addendum


Dear Customers,
We have received many compliments after we shared our recipe of 4 easy steps to cook Maggie. However we have received a very important complaint which we need to share with you all.

One of our regular customers, Mrs. Radha Pai, from Meerut had written to us that she tried out the recipe to cook Maggie during the first ODI between India & Pak.

She says that she followed all the steps correctly and was eager to have her breakfast. But she found that the Maggie was hardly fully wet and hence was not properly cooked.

We thoroughly apologized to our customer on behalf of our captain who returned back to the pavilion even before the Maggie was properly soaked in water.

In this regard we request all our customers to take a precaution and to wait for the Maggie to be cooked until after the re-plays.

Remember, even if Ganguly is back well before 2 minutes, the replays would ensure your Maggie is rightly done.

The management once again apologizes for any uncooked Maggie’s during the first ODI.

Regards

Customer Care Centre



Breaking news, Indian captain Ganguly has been sacked immediately after the worst display at Banagalore. BCCI has decided to go with new captain. See our new captain... (scroll down)

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:: scribbled by Prashanth at 3/30/2005 12:57:00 PM

5 Comments:

Guys,
Agree that hes bad right now. But check the world batting Records....centuries/partnerships/50's/wins............hes everywhere Guys.....he will come mack and come back big...
But those were awesome jokes...
sujeet
Hi
I also support sujeet. He made a right point. Yes Ganguly is not not playing well now. I will also accept it. But just look at his international carrier. He had scored morethan 9900 runs with 23 centuries and morethan 25 5o's in his carrier. Every one will have a rough patch. This is the time where we should give moral support and encouragement. I am sure that he will bounce back.

yaa the jokes are awesome. Good creativity.

surendra
Ganguly Sucks
HI GUYS!Though ganguly is not playing well right now,we cant pass on jokes this way.After all, He has 10,000 runs in his bag,
He stands 2nd in max number of CENTURIES,
He is india's all time best test captain,
He has hit more sixes than any one in INDIA
He made india win many matches even when SACHIN was suffering with FORM
The INDIAN team now is"GANGULYMADE"
I AM SURE THAT GANGULY WILL MAKE AN IMPACT SOON
HI GUYS!Though ganguly is not playing well right now,we cant pass on jokes this way.After all, He has 10,000 runs in his bag,
He stands 2nd in max number of CENTURIES,
He is india's all time best test captain,
He has hit more sixes than any one in INDIA
He made india win many matches even when SACHIN was suffering with FORM
The INDIAN team now is"GANGULYMADE"

Yes Ganguly is father of Indian Team.

Now Ganguly is F***ing his own daughter

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